Give one big Whoop for Tuesday, because Tuesday, the 12th of November, the Old Men of the Mountain met at the Country Cafe in Schoharie. This restaurant, like many of the restaurants the OFs attack, has that early morning welcome sign which is not in words but the smell of eggs and bacon cooking as the OFs walk down the sidewalk from their cars to the restaurant. The OFs mention this quite often because it is like a magnet drawing the OFs to the front door.

The OFs think that one way to end a battle on the front lines would be to have each army set up their cook tents along the front and start cooking breakfast. As soon as that aroma wafted over to either side, the OFs bet that both sides would set down their arms, grab their mess kits and go have breakfast ─ maybe even together.

One OF said that in today’s wars there doesn’t seem to be enemy lines. It just seems to be skirmishes, or car bombs, or suicide bombers, or blowing up school buses full of kids going to school. One offered even drones…no one around…just an unmanned flying machine. Another OF said he still doesn’t understand what the wars are about. “All I know,” the OF said, “Is what I read in the paper and none of that seems to make much sense.” This OF didn’t understand how making breakfast would help today. “Who is the bad guy, who is the good guy?” the OF asked, “Does anyone know, or has most of the world gone crazy?”

On a lighter note the more important question was asked was: Why do we OFs who are bald have to pay the same amount for a haircut as some guy with a ton of hair? One OF said that he has sat along the wall in the barbershop waiting while some guy in the barber chair gets coifed and it take twenty minutes or more, and he gets in the chair and it is whirr- shear, eyes brows sniped, neck shaved and out! The OF is out of the chair in five minutes max, yet he pays the same as the guy with the half-hour hairdo.

“That is not the lament of just us OFs,” said an OF, “That is the lament of all the bald guys.” “Maybe that is where the barber shops make their profit,” a different OF mused.

“It is tough finding a barber shop now,” one OF added. He needed a haircut and his wife made him go to one of those sissy places. The OF said that was a mistake. He told the girl (hair stylist?) he just wanted a haircut. The first thing this girl did was lead him to the sink and wash his hair. “What! Did she think I had lice or something? I told her I just washed it this morning in the shower.” Then the girl got the back of his shirt so wet that even after being toweled off his shirt was too uncomfortable to wear. After he left the shop, the OF walked down the mall and bought a shirt and undershirt at K-Mart because the OF said he was soaked and freezing. To top it all off this girl who had “cut” his hair had spent half the time snipping at the air with the scissors, and not really doing much cutting. When he got home the OF looked in the mirror and said he still looked the same as when he went in the (Salon??). He was still needing a hair cut ─ what a rip off.

“Give me a guy barber shop any day, where I can still get a hair cut and don’t have to go back every week, and have some chatty, snippety young thing click her scissors in the air to make me feel like I am getting my hair cut,” the OG concluded.

One OF said he thought prices should be pro-rated at the barber shop. X number of dollars for a five minute cut, and X number for ten minutes, X number for twenty minutes and so on. “Then,” the OF said “You can go in and say I want a ten minute special and be out of the chair in ten minutes.” “That might not work,” said another OF, “If you had a fine head of hair like me which takes awhile to cut and you ask for the ten minute special. The barber may only have enough time to cut half the hair on your head and you would go out of the shop looking kind of weird.” Then one OF said, “Don’t mess with what the barber does, remember he is the one with the razor in his hand.”

The OFs, discussed something that they didn’t know, (WHAT?), at least at this scribe’s end of the table and that was convicted felons running for political office and winning the election. “Sure,” one OF said, “Look at Marion Barry, one of the former mayors of Washington DC itself, he was a convicted felon.”

This scribe did a little checking ─ the key word here is little ─ but the basic answer is yes. The Constitution says felons can even – while in prison – be elected for federal office (House & Senate) and serve from jail. However, there are some in this body but suffice it to say the House or Senate can expel them because they are bad guys. The states have nothing to say about this.

Voting and holding elected office for state or other offices differs by state, but in many cases the answer is yes. This scribe could not find where it differentiated between murder and stealing candy from a baby. (Then again, this scribe used to read a lot, now this scribe reads two pages, falls asleep, and has to go back and read over what he just read and fall asleep again. Takes awhile to read a book now but this scribe gets plenty of naps.)

The OFs have a new name for lapses of information in a normal conversation. One OF was talking to another OF, and was going to tell the first OF about someone in the hospital. In the middle of the sentence he stopped talking because the name of the OF in the hospital went right out of his head. So the OF that started the conversation had to stop right there because the whole purpose of the conversation was gone. About fifteen minutes later the OF shouted out the name. The name sifted its way through all the clogged up brain cells until it found its way out.

Another OF said to the OF across from him, “How about the time I asked you about your granddaughter and you couldn’t remember her name?” “Yeah, you OG. You asked me that in front of forty people.” The other OF said, “How was I supposed to know you would forget her name; she was only five chairs down from where we sitting.” What are these brain lapses? One OF said at our ages they are the same as Brain “F—s”. The OF agreed because none of us can escape them. A different OF said that when it happens to him he starts to recite the alphabet and generally when he comes to the letter that pertains to the thought, the lost thought usually comes to mind.

One OF said that sometimes when it happens to him unconsciously it must rattle around in his head somewhere because at the darndest time he will blurt out something like “Charlie Chaplin”, or “Mickey Mouse” for no reason at all.

Those OFs that made it to the Country Cafe, and did not forget (maybe because their wives pushed them out the door) were: Steve Kelly, Roger Shafer, Andy Tinning, Dave Williams, Harold Guest, Robie Osterman, Roger Chapman, Glenn Patterson, Jim Heiser, Mark Traver, George Washburn, John Rossmann, Mace Porter, Jack Norray, Ken Hughes, Gary Porter, Bill Keale, Miner Stevens, Bill Rice, Henry Whipple, Ted Willsey, Jim Rissacher, Mike Willsey, Bill Krause, Harold Grippen, Gerry Chartier, and me.

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